Asked: Insecurity

I am good at what I do and I know what I love to do but I am missing one thing, confidence in myself as a person. I think poorly of myself and I have always been the girl that never seemed to quite fit in (and maybe thats just my negative thoughts) Although I have friends now that Im super close too, I still feel like a loner in social settings. I also have crazy panic attacks when Im in the spotlight and I feel like Ill never be able to complete some of the dreams and goals I have of teaching others and speaking. I would love to speak in small settings and teach others and help them grow spiritually, artistically, and in self confidence. I feel like Ill never be able to do that because of my panic/anxiety attacks. I start freaking out and shut down whenever Im in the spotlight. Its so debilitating. Do you have any advice?
— Jennifer

Aw, lady - You and I are kindred spirits, for sure. We both want to help others but struggle with insecurity which inhibits us from doing so. It's crazy to read your email because it sounds exactly like something I would have written.


Be first

Girl, I feel ya - I felt like I never felt like I fit in. After I started counseling others it quickly became apparent that the majority of people feel the same way. It's like we're not funny enough, or dull enough, or trendy enough, or don't care enough. My theory is because this world, ultimately, isn't our home, but that's for another blog post.

Sooooooo... knowing that generally 90% of the people in a social setting feel like you and I, it enables us to be proactive. 


Be first to extend acceptance, instead of seeking it.


Whenever I'm in a new social context and I start getting worried, I mentally go over this truth. I switch mental gears and ramp up to extend acceptance and love.



What we're insecure about may change, but it will always be there - rooted more deeply in some than others. For me, and it seems for you, it's like a chronic disease of the soul. Once I realized that it wasn't going to go away, I started to seek out how to manage it. The first step was changing my perspective of it.


I went from focusing on how it hurts me, to how it helps me.


Insecurity helps me understand how much I need God. And since you and I both want to help others, which leads people to put us on podiums - where our pride can flourish - it's life-giving to have something that keeps me grounded and focused on how much I need Jesus (like Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12:7).

My second step was to get a handle on my negative thoughts. I'm pumped that you are inclined to see this as a potential issue for you, too. Honestly, it is for most of us. Because we're fallen (thanks Adam/Eve), we're wired for negativity. The more we think negative thoughts, the easier and habitual they become. But we can change this, though be ready - you're essentially trying to stop a downward boulder to start pushing the other way. It's hard as hell at first, but as you get going, you'll reach a stride and it'll become easier. I wrote an article how I daily renew my mind. I recommend reading that and starting your own personal declarations.


MOve Slowly

I'm excited about what you have to share to the world. We need more voices of love, support, and encouragement. The last thing I've learned is to not rush God-inspired dreams into reality. God took 25 years to deliver Abraham's promised son, Isaac. It was 20 years from when David was anointed to be king, and when he finally assumed reign over all of Israel. When I have stress attacks it's because I'm trying to make the dreams happen instead of letting God do it. My question back to you is - who are you trusting to bring your dreams into fruition? 


Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4


Jennifer, thank you so much for asking me - giving me an opportunity to gather my thoughts and share them with others who are struggling with the same thing. 


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